I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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