Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
