I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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