I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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