is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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