he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
