he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
