shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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