We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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