You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
