FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
