I got chris browned last night
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
you never un-have a 4some
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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