Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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