you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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