The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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