Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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