if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
