You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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