i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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