What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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