I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
