I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
