i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
