Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
