Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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