What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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