there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Randomize
