Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
