i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
