Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
