I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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