So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
