She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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