Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
