Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
What a dumb baby whore.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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