Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
