Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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