i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
