i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
