i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Less talking, more tequila
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
