Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
