What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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