I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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