evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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