I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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