I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
