im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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