There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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