Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
