Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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