Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
