it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
