My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
