I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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