Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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