And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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