if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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