I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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