I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
