Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Randomize
