Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
