i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize