I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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