you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize