Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
