Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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