Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
