So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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