i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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