she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The beer is more important than you right now.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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