You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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