I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
