I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
