My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
