please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
