I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The air taste purple.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
